Have you ever been in a relationship that has been a constant battle for the other person’s time, attention, and affection? You live on tender hooks. Will they answer? Will they appear? Or will they let you down? The feeling of being on an emotional roller coaster controlled by someone else who cares less than you will make you feel small, lonely, anxious, and sad. Your world will slowly contract until you drown. Most of us have experienced this type of connection at least once in our lives.

The truth is that equal and reciprocal love is not like that. It is cheerful, calm and full of security and comfort. You will feel capable of being your true and imperfect ‘self’. You can be silly or angry, sad and tearful or ambitious, strong and successful…always knowing that your flaws and your talents won’t jeopardize the connection. Rather, your successes will be recognized and accepted. He or she will challenge you to do your best and support you through the frightening but vital process of reaching his or her goals.

When you find yourself in a toxic and unbalanced connection, it will eventually destroy you. To protect yourself from permanent damage, you need to let him go while you are still able to recover emotionally. We all know others who are bitter and closed off as a result of raw past experiences. Unfortunately, they often repeat that damage on others. This is a place to avoid at all costs because it diminishes your ability to feel joy and be alive. Love requires that you be emotionally healthy enough to be vulnerable, even if you accept that this risk opens up the potential for hurt and betrayal. That’s why we find our pets and children so easy to love. They are a part of the ‘self’, not the ‘other’. As parents, we are not at risk of this kind of pain, at least until adolescence, when our children will challenge and test their limits as they become autonomous adults with separate identities.

We all deserve someone special in our world. Someone to make us a priority. Someone who supports us, through thick and thin. At the end of the day, we must accept that if someone is not interested in us or has other issues and priorities at stake, then it is necessary to respectfully walk away after explaining why to the best of our ability. Grant them the space to heal themselves and live the life they have chosen. When you love someone who is abusing your open heart, this is the hardest thing in the world.

Give yourself the freedom to eliminate them from your life and find someone who can truly love you. Also remember that a love that is destined for you will reach you. You won’t have to chase him.