Introduction

Did your boss take you for a ride? Did your girlfriend / boyfriend ditch you? Did your friends take you for granted? And you feel that you are useless and you feel that your self-esteem is being damaged.

Understand self esteem

To understand self-esteem, it helps to divide the term into two words. Let’s first take a look at the word esteem. Esteem is a fancy word to think that someone or something is important or to value that person or thing.

And me, it means you. So when you put the two words together, it’s easier to see what self-esteem is. It’s how much you value yourself and how important you think you are. It’s how you see yourself and how you feel about your accomplishments. Self-esteem is not bragging about how great you are. It’s more like quietly knowing that you are worth a lot (priceless, in fact). It is not about thinking that you are perfect, because nobody is, but about knowing that you are worthy of being loved and accepted.

In the words of Dr. Nathaniel Branden, widely regarded as “the father of the self-esteem movement,” self-esteem is “the willingness to experience oneself as competent to meet the basic challenges of life and as worthy of happiness. “.

Importance of self-esteem

Self-esteem is not like a great pair of sneakers that you would love to have but don’t have to have. Good self-esteem is important because it helps you keep your head up and take pride in yourself and what you can do. It gives you the courage to try new things and the power to believe in yourself. It allows you to respect yourself, even when you make mistakes. And when you respect yourself, others tend to respect you too. Having good self-esteem is also the ticket to making good decisions about your mind and body.

If you think you are important, you are less likely to follow the crowd if your friends are doing something silly or dangerous. If you have good self-esteem, you will know that you are smart enough to make your own decisions. You value your security, your feelings, your health, your whole being. Good self-esteem helps you know that every part of you is worth caring for and protecting.

What is not self-esteem

Self-esteem is the experience of feeling and knowing that we are competent to live and worthy of living and being happy.

Genuine self-esteem does not depend primarily on the approval of other people in one’s social environment. While it is desirable to have the realistic good opinions of others, no one can give us self-esteem except ourselves. The person who links his self-esteem to the approval of others already has a self-esteem impairment and is constantly in danger of further loss of self-esteem.

Contrary to what one sometimes hears or reads, self-esteem is not just a synonym for any positive feelings about oneself. Therefore, self-esteem is not selfishness, arrogance, vanity, narcissism, or a desire to feel superior to others. In fact, these attitudes betray a genuine lack of self-esteem. Self-esteem is not the euphoria that can be temporarily induced by a job promotion or a new love affair. In fact, if one feels incompetent to handle work or unworthy of love, these experiences can challenge an already impaired sense of self-worth. One can feel like an “impostor”, who can be “discovered” at any time.

Self-esteem: a psychological need (some research data)

Self-esteem plays a crucial role in psychological well-being. People with high self-esteem tend to be at lower risk for depression (Crandall, 1973) and hopelessness (Abramson, Metalsky, and Alloy, 1989). Self-esteem is a better indicator of life satisfaction than any objective characteristic of individuals, such as income or age (Diener, 1984). High self-esteem has been linked to good mental health (Baumeister, 1991; Bednar et al., 1989; Taylor & Brown, 1988).

Most people who seek psychotherapy do so because of general feelings of low self-worth. Low self-esteem has been linked to problems such as depression, drug use (Brehm and Back, 1968), alcohol abuse (Wahl, 1956), suicide, and eating disorders. In relation to people with high self-esteem, people with low self-esteem tend to be more anxious, depressed, jealous and lonely (Cutrona, 1982; Goswick and Jones, 1981; Kanfer and Zeiss, 1983; Leary, 1983; Lewinsohn, Mischel, Chaplin and Barton, 1980; Taylor and Brown, 1988; White, 1981).

Self-esteem in the workplace

Research has validated that self-esteem is a key factor in improving job performance and improving employee behavior.

Employees with high self-esteem (relative to those with low self-esteem) are:

More intrinsically motivated and optimistic (Bandura & Cervone, 1983; Burger, 1992; Deci & Ryan, 1985; Harackiewicz & Larson, 1986; Harter & Jackson, 1992; Vallerand, 1983), More creative (Domino, 1971; Mackinnon, 1962) , More likely to work harder in response to significant negative feedback (Brockner and Elkind, 1985), More likely to be productive in quality circles (Brockner and Hess, 1986), and Less negatively affected by chronic stressors such as role ambiguity and conflict (Mossholder, Bedeian & Armenakis, 1981).

In the words of Warren Bennis, “… knowledge workers, in particular, can be creative, productive and happy only in an environment that fosters self-esteem.”

Research shows a positive relationship between self-esteem and leadership. Leaders tend to have higher levels of self-esteem than non-leaders. Self-esteem plays a fundamental role in decision-making, inspiring people and gaining the trust of others. Leaders with high self-esteem are generally determined, assertive, willing to make difficult decisions, and exhibit high but realistic expectations of their followers, which become self-fulfilling.

In short, how can you be a good leader if you distrust your own mind and how can you bring out the best in others when you feel insecure in your interpersonal exchanges? Nathaniel Branden concludes as follows: “The higher a leader’s self-esteem, the more likely he is to inspire the best in others. A mind that does not trust itself cannot inspire greatness in the minds of colleagues and subordinates. . “Research shows that, relative to people with high self-esteem, people with low self-esteem set lower expectations for their performance in a variety of situations (Coopersmith, 1967; Kiesler & Baral, 1970), and these lower expectations they lead to reduced effort (Diggory, Klein and Cohen, 1964; Wattenberg and Clifford, 1964).

People with low self-esteem generally underestimate their abilities and subsequently set less challenging or mediocre goals for themselves. (Heatherton and Ambady, 1993). Research also shows that low achievers are generally less confident and ambitious (Goldberg, 1960), less self-accepting (Shaw and Alves, 1963), and lack a sense of personal worth (Durr and Schmatz, 1964).

If I can help you increase your self esteem

Think about when you did something new for the first time. Learning something new is often accompanied by feelings of nervousness, lack of self-confidence, and high levels of stress, all of which are necessary parts of the learning process. The next time you don’t feel confident, remembering this will remind you that it’s perfectly normal – you’re just learning.

Do something you’ve been putting off. Like writing or calling a friend, cleaning the house, tidying the garden, fixing the car, organizing the bills, preparing a tasty and healthy meal, anything that involves making a decision and then moving on.

Do something you are good at.

Examples? How about swimming, running, dancing, cooking, gardening, climbing, painting, writing … If possible, it should be something that grabs your attention and requires enough concentration to bring you to that state of “fluidity” where you do you forget everything? the rest. You will feel more competent, fulfilled and capable afterwards, a great antidote to low self-esteem. And while you’re at it, seriously consider doing something like this at least once a week. People who experience “flow” regularly seem to be happier and healthier.

Stop thinking about yourself. I know this sounds strange, but low self-esteem is often accompanied by too much focus on yourself. Doing something that absorbs you and holds your attention can quickly make you feel better.

Relax seriously.

If you feel depressed, anxious, or without confidence, the first thing to do is stop thinking and properly relax. Some people do this by exercising, others by engaging in something that occupies their mind. However, being able to relax whenever you want is a fantastic life skill, so practicing self-hypnosis, meditation, or a physics-based relaxation technique like Tai Chi can be incredibly helpful. When you are properly relaxed, your brain is less emotional and your memory for good events works better. A great ‘rescue remedy’.

Remember all the things you have accomplished. This may be difficult at first, but after a while, you will develop a useful mental list of memories that boost self-esteem.

Remember that you could be wrong.

If you feel bad about yourself, remember that the way you feel affects your thoughts, memory, and behavior. So when you feel bad, you will only remember the bad times and tend to be pessimistic about yourself. This is where the advice “Get Seriously Relaxed” comes in.

Once you’ve tried some of these, consider making them a permanent part of your life. For most people, good self-esteem is not just a happy accident, it is the result of the way they think and the things they do every day. Good luck.

Conclution

Self-esteem is one of our most basic psychological needs. The degree of our self-esteem (or lack thereof) affects all important aspects of our lives. It has profound effects on our thought processes, emotions, desires, values, choices, and goals. Deficits in self-esteem contribute to virtually all psychological problems. And psychological problems lead to low self-esteem. It is a reciprocal relationship.

We hope your comments and suggestions. Have a nice day and take care of yourself.

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