Criticism is a word that raises your eyebrows and puts you in a bad mood. It arguably does not have a positive connotation for most of us. So, it’s never received in a healthy way either. So what worries us is, when we as adults can’t handle criticism, what about children, who are subjected to regular and harsh criticism? Everyone who is someone in your life comments and takes the liberty of judging each and every one of your actions, unfortunately most of which are critical.

So, how to safeguard them or how to prepare them so that this unjustified criticism does them more good than harm.

Criticism, or if you can call it feedback, is both constructive and destructive. Receiving feedback is a skill, and like most skills, it requires practice and a willingness to change and improve. Most kids get a lot of practice. Ironically, adults need to help them make that practice count by providing feedback on how they handle criticism.

Feedback, both positive and negative, is challenging because it hits us at the vulnerable point between our desire to grow and our deep need to be accepted and respected. The key to receiving positive feedback is to adopt a “growth mindset.” People with a growth mindset believe that effort and challenge make us better, stronger, and smarter, while people with a “fixed mindset” believe that our inherent assets are static no matter what we do.

But not all criticism that children face is constructive. Some of this stems from ulterior motives or dark intent, but the good news is that a growth mindset can also protect children from these kinds of comments.

A growth mindset is the best gift we can give our children. Thus armed, they can be brave in the face of constructive criticism, believing that it can make them better, stronger, and smarter. They won’t need us to safeguard their interest because, with a growth mindset, children can handle the truth on their own.

So what is to be done?

Feel free to criticize:

Many children have trouble hearing feedback because they don’t get it often enough. While it’s natural to want to shield children from pain, when we shield them from criticism or overly focus on praise, we push them into a fixed mindset.

Stop constant praise:

Gushing praise can foster a fixed mindset, thereby discouraging children from taking on new challenges. Worse yet, it can deflate, rather than bolster, some children’s self-esteem. Children need to get used to hearing constructive feedback, and it’s our job to teach them how.

Watch your body language:

Nonverbal communication is part of delivering feedback and can help children listen to you more effectively. Uncross your arms, get down to the children’s level, smile and keep your face relaxed. If you are tense when you give criticism, they will be tense when they receive it.

Change your pronouns:

Instead of framing the feedback in terms of “I’m so proud of you,” change the statement and anchor the feedback in the pronoun “you,” as in “You should be proud of yourself” or “What did you feel best about? ” ?” or “What would you like to change?”

Empower for change:

Release your control and power over to children and help them adjust their efforts to use feedback effectively. Ask, “Is this how you expected this to turn out?” or “What would you do differently next time?” Help them see the way forward with comments like, “How do you think you could take this project from good to awesome?”

Set new goals after a big failure. Once they have recovered, help them choose some new goals based on what they have learned from the current situation. Their goals must be their own, devised by them, based on their experience.

Criticism comes to everyone, eventually. It is inescapable and, more importantly, it is a necessary part of growing up. Since we can’t protect children from this, the best we can do is make sure they’re equipped with the emotional strength and strength of character they’ll need to keep going, stronger, smarter, and braver for the experience.