“She’s always on my case about something,” Sam complains to his friend about his wife.

To Sam, it seems that his wife is never satisfied with anything he says or does. She criticizes the way he takes care of his children, how he paints a wall, and even the way she treats his boss at work.

While Sam loves his wife and wouldn’t leave her for anything, he wants her to “get off his back” so he can relax and enjoy being married to her.

Do you feel like your wife is constantly pressuring you to do or be something you’re not?

Perhaps, for you, this is reflected in your comments of judgment and blame. Regardless of how you perceive your wife’s disapproval of you and how you are living your life, the results are the same…you may feel like you can’t be happy until she is happy.

This is only partially true, of course.

If your spouse is upset with you, and makes their assessment of you clear, it probably has an effect on how you feel. However, if you respond to their disapproval and criticism with the same type of reaction (disapproval and criticism), you will undoubtedly only make things worse.

So, you will be even more unhappy than before!

Here’s what you need to do to improve your marriage and overall enjoyment of your life as well…

#1: Be honest.
Too often, men shrug their shoulders when they feel like their woman is “on her back.” It may seem like the easiest and safest answer to make. However, this will usually only cause more discomfort and conflict in the future, within yourself and with your spouse.

Instead, be honest with yourself and your wife.

Observe it when you feel irritated, angry, sad or hurt. Being a man is NOT pretending that you are so stoic that you have no feelings.

You can let your wife know that the way she communicated her displeasure with a choice you made hurt your feelings was upsetting. You can create some “rules of communication” with your woman so that you both talk to each other in a way that doesn’t discourage each other.

It is possible to be both honest and respectful, as you and your woman stay connected while being true to what you think and feel in the moment.

#2: Own your paper.
It’s tempting in any relationship to focus primarily on how the other person, in this case, your wife, is causing all the trouble. Take responsibility for yourself (no more, no less) for whatever dynamic exists between you and your spouse.

If you feel like he’s always looking out for you for not keeping your promises, be willing to assess whether or not he’s right. You don’t have to play “bad boy” to own your role.

Let him know that you can hear what he is saying and tell him what you plan to do to improve the situation or change his habit. At the same time, you can suggest ways your woman could support you by changing out of a few clothes that lead to disengagement. Do it gently and lovingly.

#3: Be open to “win-win” solutions.
Chances are, if you feel like your wife is on your case and criticizing you, there’s probably something she wants you to do that you don’t want to do.

You may have agreed to take on a task you didn’t want to take on just to end the conversation and move on. But, now that the whole thing has come up again (because you didn’t do what you promised to do), you are faced, once again, with a disagreement between you and your wife.

Be honest and acknowledge that you just don’t agree. Invite your spouse to come up with solutions with you that will help both of you feel like you’ve “won” instead of an “I win, you lose” situation.

These solutions are available. You may need to be creative and open your mind more than it is now, but they are available to you.