1. At Panama City Beach (hereinafter, PCB) the sands are soft and almost white as snow, complemented by a crystal clear, emerald green and blue sea. These beaches could be taken straight from a postcard – they are truly beautiful and rival any in the Caribbean. On the other side of the Atlantic, in England, there are sandy and pebble beaches. Sandy beaches consist of yellow grainy-textured sand, and pebble beaches are basically an expanse of large stones. Great to skim the water, painful beyond measure to walk barefoot or to lie on a beach towel. Given the choice, I’ll take the sandy bottom any day.

2. A summer day at the PCB beach is usually hot and sticky – jumping into the sea is a great way to cool off and beat the heat. You can sit under an umbrella for shade and return to the air conditioning if the temperatures are sweltering. In England, you can still sit under the umbrella, but it will be to protect you from the elements. (ie wind, rain or hail) Think it’s hard to keep your beach towel spread out on the beach at PCB? Try to do it in near hurricane force winds. A windbreaker is a necessary item to pack along with your flip flops, sweaters, and maybe even a jacket or two.

3. There’s nothing like a postcard to make those at home jealous and to illustrate what a fabulous time you’re having on your beach getaway. A PCB postcard will usually show a stunning view of the beach, perhaps a few palm trees swaying in the breeze, and a glorious sunset on the horizon. An English beach postcard is a very different story. There are usually a couple of burly ladies in bloomers or a very questionable one-piece suit sitting on their striped deck chairs and eating fish and chips out of newspaper or a rock stick. The ladies will be smiling but you can tell they are very cold and wish they were warm at home. What are briefs and rock sticks? I could explain it, but I don’t have enough space to explain the intricacies of our “common” language!

4. PCB vacationers will, for the most part, enjoy comfortable and spacious accommodations with magnificent views of the sparkling Gulf of Mexico. Hotels or condominiums offer all the comforts of home, such as cable TV, DVD, washer and dryer, sometimes a full kitchen, and usually a private balcony. Head east for about 4,000 miles and you’ll probably find yourself in a B&B (that’s what a Bed and Breakfast is) sharing a bathroom with ten other people and having to check before bathing in case the water isn’t hot enough. Of course, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but believe me… many B&Bs still offer shared bathrooms and almost all of them will run out of hot water at some point! The B&B is a traditional English guest house and is basically a room in someone’s house complete with a greasy fry up in the morning. The decor generally looks like time stopped somewhere around 1936, and the amenities are basically just a kettle, bed, and reading lamp. Also, if you’re really lucky, you might get a TV with a whopping 4 channels to choose from.

5. One of the best things about a PCB vacation is the fabulous variety of cuisine to tempt your palate and the sensational variety of restaurants available. This is what a typical menu for the day would look like:

Breakfast: fresh seasonal fruit, grits, eggs however you like, pancakes, and coffee.

Lunch: Grilled grouper sandwich, fresh tuna dip and a colorful salad.

Dinner: Fresh seafood platter with shrimp, lobster, clams, oysters, fish, and crab. Key lime pie for dessert. Hungry yet?

Here’s what you can serve at Tea-and-Crumpetville Beach:

Breakfast: A traditional fry. Eggs, bacon, sausage, fried toast, tomatoes, baked beans, and black pudding. Yes, I really did say baked beans and black pudding. In addition to a cup of hot tea with milk to start the day with energy.

Lunch: steak and kidney pie, chips (french fries), mushy peas and gravy. If your kidneys get you down, maybe try some fish and chips wrapped in newspaper. It really makes it taste better.

Dinner: Bangers (sausages) with mash or roast (baked) potato. Probably mushy peas again. And a big old plate of speckled cock and custard for dessert. yum.

Now, I’m not suggesting for one minute that an English beach holiday is something to be avoided at all costs. Quite the opposite. It really is a heavenly experience, made better by the quirky traditions and unpredictable weather. I think England is one of the best destinations in the world and I know any visitor would love it, black pudding and all. Panama City Beach is, in my opinion, another of the best vacation destinations in the world and it has its own unique qualities that set it apart from the rest. If you are lucky enough to cross the Atlantic, you will love it. For those vacationing in the United States and heading to Panama City Beach, a sunny and sandy southern treat awaits. Just leave the jackets and windbreakers at home and think twice before ordering grits.