Are lovers more important than friends?
Many people wonder, “Are lovers more important than friends?” This is an important question that is difficult to answer, because lovers play a very different role in our lives than friends. We have different emotions and expectations about our lovers than we do about our friends. The truth is that we need both types of relationships to be happy and fulfilled, and we should never think that we have to choose between just having a lover or partner, or having friendships.
When we have a lover, particularly in the early, heady stages of feeling hopelessly in love, the intensity of our feelings for our lover is far more overwhelming than the feelings we have for our friends. At that point, it would be easy for most of us to say that a lover is far more important than any friendship we may have.
However, the reality is that sooner or later, many of the very intense feelings we have of being madly in love will begin to fade. When that happens, we’ll either develop a different kind of less intense but lasting emotional relationship with the person we’ve been in love with, or we’ll move on to find a different lover who inspires us with crazy passion again.
If we haven’t maintained our friendships during our crazy romance, who will we have to turn to if the relationship falls apart and our hearts break? Who is going to be there to tell you, “That guy was never good enough for you”? Will friends you have neglected for several months want to hear from you now that you are alone again? Chances are, if you left all your friends because you were in love, they also left you because you weren’t a trustworthy friend.
It is much better to keep your friendships active even while you are falling in love with someone. Your friends can keep you grounded and stabilize you; they can offer you good advice.
Another reason for maintaining our friendships is because no one person can satisfy all of our needs or satisfy all of our interests. No matter how much you love your romantic partner, you must have new perspectives and new perspectives. You need to refresh yourself with external influences.
Lovers and friends have different purposes in our lives. A love relationship is usually deeper and more intense. It activates our most primal emotions and gives us greater ups and downs, deeper than our friends. Our friendships are much more stable and consistent. They provide us with a different kind of security and validation and often outlast our romantic partners.
Another good reason to keep our friendships is because there are many social skills and relationship skills that we learn in our friendships that can be of great help in our romantic relationships. For many of us, friendships are the place where we learn about commitment and sharing. We learn about loyalty and discretion.
At some point, if your romantic relationship lasts, your lover will also become your friend. When that happens, if you haven’t learned to be a good friend, your romantic relationship can die, either quickly or slowly. By keeping all of your friendships close, you will continue to develop the emotional skills that make a long-term romantic relationship healthier.
You don’t need to make a decision when asking yourself, “Are lovers more important than friends?” You will be much happier if you maintain your friendships no matter what is currently happening in your romantic life.