Grief and loss are inherent parts of life. No one gets rid of Scott without facing the physical and emotional pain of accepting the death of a loved one. However, too often, we maximize our pain due to a lack of understanding of the reality of a major change and the common problems of adjusting to life without the loved one.

Here are seven rules that will help you challenge yourself to deal with the inevitable changes you face and redirect toward a new and different life.

1. Never allow thoughts to turn into actions without your full consent. Negative thoughts permeate most experiences of loss. We tend to look back at what we lose and forward to all the real and imagined obstacles we have to face. This occurs in an atmosphere of fear and confusion that maximizes our worries. Then a universal law takes effect: what we focus on expands. In this case, the fear grows and the obstacles seem insurmountable. There is nothing wrong with being afraid when facing the new and this is how you can deal with it.

Full consent always implies deliberation. Deliberation means reasoned thought and dialogue. Often reach out to those you trust to share all your concerns and request feedback on your thoughts. Let go of fear, guilt or loneliness. It is not easy to do, but the results will be essential to make the right decisions and defuse limiting beliefs and fears. Doing the right thing will require courage that you can muster with the help of your friends. Use them humbly.

2. Be open to new ideas, assumptions, and beliefs. Loss challenges our beliefs about life and death. Grief is a time when re-evaluating the way we were taught life is usually to be challenged. There is more to its mystery than our little version. For most, there is a lot to learn, especially about how to accept impermanence.

Major life-changing events often cause us to examine our values ​​and put things in perspective. The revision of beliefs will also bring new meaning to the loss and facilitate reinvestment in life. Actually, loss is a great teacher of the importance of relationships, humility, and gratitude.

3. Allow failure to be seen as a normal part of good coping. Accepting failure as a learning tool always creates success. Having been used for centuries, it is as true in coping with losses as it has been with some of the greatest inventions.

Keep in mind that we are programmed early in life to expect immediate success or to feel like we are not up to the task. Examining where we make mistakes and taking steps to correct them is the way to go. View failure when grieving as a friend, as part of your education about loss and life.

4. Start reconnecting as soon as possible. Loss and the emotions that accompany it are strong isolating forces. Isolation especially hinders their ability to adapt and accept new conditions of existence. Everyone needs a variety of connections; they are infallible lifesavers. Do this: strengthen connections to your faith, friends, work, and mission because reinvesting in life and developing new routines is critical.

New routines are an absolute necessity due to the absence of our loved one. Turn these new routines into new habits, which is an important key to coping well.

5. Cultivate loneliness on a regular basis. Take time every day just for yourself. This is just as important as building your circle of interpersonal relationships. It is a time of positive state that leads to comfort, enhanced spirituality, and creative coping with your great loss.

Find a place where you enjoy being alone, a particular room in your house, an area in a park, on the beach, or in some other natural setting. Allow yourself to take a break to cry or listen to soothing music. Take a walk on your own. To meditate. Meditation will reduce your stress and raise your energy level. Give yourself a pep talk. Do what is best for you.

6. Trust your inner knowing. This resource is rarely used consciously. So listen to what your intuition and body tell you about the decisions to make and the direction in which to travel. You have inner wisdom, if you take the time to be honest with yourself and listen. Then force yourself to take that difficult first step in tackling whatever issues you face that day.

When discouraging thoughts start to form, take steps to stop the downward spiral by asking yourself, “What should I do right now?” Listen to what emerges from your intuitive treasure, trust it, and reverse its direction. Keep repeating this new action.

7. Make the “D” word the cornerstone of your new life. Determination is a commitment you can make. Talk to yourself and say that you are going to succeed in this difficult adaptation. Write specific inspirational phrases on a 3 by 5 card that you can take out and read when you start to feel sad.

Then combine your self-training with getting up and moving to another room or going out when things seem unmanageable. Consider calling a best friend or developing a method (creating any affirmations) to interrupt the pattern of discouraging thoughts. With conscious determination you can redirect the emotion.

You can work on all of the above, one rule at a time. Remember what we said earlier: what you focus on expands. This is not only true for fear and negative thoughts. It is equally powerful in visualizing yourself knowing and successfully negotiating a particular issue. It is valid to focus on a positive memory or a memory of gratitude. Those positive events will increase in importance and help your transition.