1. Only idiots have adventures.
In fact, the opposite is true in most situations. One thing we often hear from betrayed wives is that others would be very surprised if they learned of their husband’s affair. Most of the time it’s the quintessential good guy who has an affair. He is the guy who helps everyone in the neighborhood and at work and is also a pillar in his church or synagogue. The type that no one would believe that he would do this kind of thing. It’s usually their ‘nice guy’ nature that gets them into it in the first place. Since they are kind and considerate by nature, affairs often begin with the married man helping or being nice to the other woman upon meeting her.
 
2. Men who have affairs do not love their wives.
In most love situations, the married man is still very much in love with his wife (and she with him) and has no intention of leaving his wife or family for the other woman. Married men who find themselves in an affair often discover after the affair is discovered, and they are uncovering the layers of their dysfunction with a therapist, that they have an uncanny ability to compartmentalize. This means that they are able to keep the different parts of their lives in separate compartments in their minds. The wife and the family are in one compartment and the other woman and the affair are in another. By keeping them separate in his mind, he can avoid the guilt and shame and continue to love his wife and continue with the other woman because the two do not cross his mind at all.
 
3. Men have affairs with women who are prettier, younger, smarter, or thinner than their wives.
It is often believed that a man will choose a partner who is superior to the betrayed wife. In most situations it is the opposite. Men will often “venture” by choosing a partner who is much less in all areas than his wife. There is a deficiency to begin with. A woman who has everything under control has no need to settle for less. She wouldn’t tolerate being a dirty secret in someone’s life. So where does the attraction come from? Initially it comes from the other woman being different in some way from the wife. It may be that she is more outgoing where the wife is reserved or a career woman and the wife is a housewife. The shortcomings of the other woman are overlooked because of the allure of having something different available and willing. The real seduction comes from the other woman’s ego bumps in casual conversation. Eventually, sexual attraction arises from the other woman’s open and explicit sexual conversations or when she allows the married man to do so. This opens the door to forbidden sex.
 
Most men will tell her after the affair is discovered and they have time to get out of what is often referred to as “the fog,” that they weren’t as in love with the other woman as they were with her. how they made you feel. The other woman will often strategically pick up clues about the married man’s dissatisfaction with his wife and his marriage and turn into just the opposite. For example, if a man says that his wife is too nagging or controlling, the other woman will make sure that he never asks questions or asks her to do or be anything other than who she is at the moment, often at the expense your own wishes and desires.
 
For many married men there is an unconscious element in which they will select women who are not in competition in their own minds with their wives. Women whom they know they could not love but certainly can desire.
 
4. Men leave their wives for the other woman or break up with the other woman once the affair is discovered and the divorce takes place.
The truth is that only about three percent of men who have affairs ever end up with a partner. Again, the love partner is often not the type of woman he wants as a life partner. Sexual partner, yes; life partner, no. So, even when the discovery ends in divorce, the other woman is often abandoned, and more often than not abruptly, as she becomes an icon of her shameful behavior that brought everything she loved to ruin. and appreciated.
 
5. Men are fully aware of what they are doing and all the consequences when they have affairs.
Most of the cases are just a different form of addiction. Like people who abuse substances or have a gambling addiction, adventures become a secret world of deception and take on a life of their own in the same way that any other addiction takes hold. Men get involved in adventures and often find themselves in situations where they can see the destruction in them, but they don’t know how to stop it. And if they quit, they often fall back into it like any other addiction. It is not the person they are addicted to, it is the caresses of the ego, forbidden sex and the world of illusion where the demands of everyday life do not exist. It’s an escape from reality, like an alcoholic or a crack addict. And like other addictions, the abuser loses his objectivity and the ability to see the destruction he is creating. They build walls of denial and deception that often take years to dismantle. When they get caught, most men will say they never expected anyone to get hurt because they never expected to get caught. In other words, they never considered the consequences of what would happen if they were caught.
 
6. Men actively seek business partners.
Most men do not actively seek out flings or fling partners. Not on a conscious level at least. They really “just happen”, or at least in their minds they do. What they don’t realize at the time is how vulnerable they are to another woman’s attention. They don’t realize how damaged their self-esteem is and when a woman comes along and begins to assume the role of confidant with a handful of ego-punches, men who are out of touch with their own emotional health will take the bait hard. In return, the married man will shower attention on the other woman who has little or no self-esteem. With both sides feeding the ego beast, business soon begins. This explains why we see so many successful men risking everything on an affair. Our society teaches men that it is weak to examine and be in touch with their feelings. Climbing the ladder of success or simply overcoming the demands of everyday life can trigger chain reactions of emotions from the past and present. When those emotions fill up, there is an insidious decline in self-esteem and self-worth. Once it reaches a certain threshold, men start looking for an escape from their reality without even knowing what they are looking for.
 
You’ll often hear from the married man and the other woman that they didn’t plan for this to happen and that it “just happened.” He really didn’t. There is almost a formulaic process from which each issue is born. It all stems from a lack of self-esteem on both sides, unaddressed emotional issues, and a longing to escape reality. Unfortunately, escape often falls out of the frying pan and into the fire of delusion, denial, and addiction.
 
7. Most marriages end when an affair is discovered.
There are really no statistics on this, as most couples choose to keep infidelity a secret if they are going to reconcile. We see a lot of these “kept secret” marriages reconciled on Infidelity Mavens and feel there is a very high percentage of marriages reconciled after an affair is discovered. In fact, marriages can not only be repaired, but they can be better than ever after an affair. If the spouse having the affair is open and willing to let the truth prevail and give up their “addiction,” the marriage has a fighting chance. There are many more steps to getting “better than ever,” but from the beginning, openness and willingness from both the wayward spouse and the betrayed spouse to reconcile makes a world of difference.ont>